Getting My Ass Across the Line

WARNING, there are lots of Ass pictures in this post. 

Five years ago when I was in Leadville to do the 100 mile mountain bike race I first saw the burro races. I have never laughed so hard. I've always known it was something I wanted to try. SO, when my friend Paige told me how to 'rent' a burro I got on board. I decided I wanted to race a mini ass, cause what girl doesn't want to hear 'cute ass' all day long as she runs by. Thanks so much to Brad Wann and the Laughing Valley Ranch I was partnered with the Little Jacob. He won my heart instantly! I've always known I loved Jackasses. 

Pre Race Meet and Greet- Kiss My Ass

Luckily for me, Brad arranged a little practice session the day before the Big Ass day and Jacob and I got to do some bonding. That practice was invaluable. I learned so many little tips in that short period of time. I watched the 'pros' working their burros and I soaked up all the information I could. I also got tips from my very good friend Cathy and her mini ass Miguel. NOT to mention a special Donkey Balls package from them, AWESOME!! (yes I was told this weekend that I am a teenage boy trapped in a mid 40's woman's body). Two days later I've been told the Ass jokes have to stop now:( 

 Jacob, the cutest little ass EVER!!

After the practice I went home with some apprehension. Really, I was doing a race but Jacob was the one who would dictate the race plan. There was no doing anything if the ass said no. I had a pretty poor ass sleep......When I got to the corral in the morning I felt better, Jacob walked right up to me, he knew I was his runner- or he thought I had carrots.... Saddling him up I got a little concerned. Seemed Jacob may have been out on the town drinking beer the night before the big event. He was very bloated. Thought we talked about this buddy, whiskey only. Got the saddle on with no problem, the little sweet ass stood calmly and was making friends with everyone. Decided if you are running with a pack animal they should 'pack', so put my water and some food and some grain in the pack. Now I needed to test it out to see how it went. Jacob and I went for a jog. Well, that was the plan. Jacob must be very smart because when he saw the stop sign he stopped dead. 

Paige and Dakota meet Jacob

We were in the middle of an intersection and he wasn't going anywhere. People in their cars were laughing so hard. I was trying everything but stubborn as a mule comes from somewhere. It was a stubborn off and guess who won? That's right, you don't get to be a Leadwoman without being more stubborn than an ass!

Our pre race warm up check out the equipment 'jog'

In our practice I had noticed that Jacob liked to run behind big asses and drive their speed up. I knew that our pre race jog wasn't indicative of the race. I also was very concerned about how fast the start would be. I had told Jacob we were closers but like the no binge drinking, he might have forgotten the plan. 

Point of Maximum Dread at starting line- what the hell am I doing?

Luckily, Paige and I had a plan to stay calm and when the gun went off talk to our asses until we were ready to go. Amazingly, the boys partook in the plan and we had a perfect start. We set off jogging behind all the big fast asses. We kept a nice steady clip and got to the first hill, which is almost right away and is 3 miles long. 

Surprisingly smooth start, Paige and I were together and I ended up running behind the girls in the bottom all the way home from the top of the mountain.

Jacob got behind a nice ass and kept him going up the hill. He would walk at a snails pace and then we would get jogging again until he was up the other asses ass. Before I knew it we had worked our way past some of the men's teams who had started 15 Min's ahead of us. (their course was 22 miles compared to our 15). We had a nice system going and Jacob kept forward progress. He wasn't fast but he was going forwards for which I am very grateful. He did slow occasionally but after a few times I learned he had some farting to do. That bloated belly was getting smaller. Hey, I can relate.  At the first checkpoint we saw Wade and he looked pretty surprised by where that little ass and I were in the field. I couldn't stop to visit because once in motion stay in motion! 

showing my boyfriend what's in store for him

Being a virgin ass racer I really didn't know much about strategy. The wise and experienced Ken Chlouber had told me before the race regarding a plan, 'everyone has a plan until they are punched in the mouth'. It was a matter of strategy's on the fly. Jacob would trot along as long as he had a burro in front of him. The little guy likes to drive the big asses along. Therefore, all attempts to pass the ass in front were futile. When we saw some other asses up ahead I began my planning. We could gain on them until Jacob saw them and then he could get up behind them and drive them. Believe it or not, it worked. We got off the single track section on Ball mountain and passed the burro we'd been with and passed the new two. Then when a gap formed we settled in behind the new ones, there was no way he would lead. Maybe he has respect for the big boys? This ended up being our pack the rest of the way. We stayed behind them and when they got running Jacobs little legs were motoring. There were times I had to 'help' him along. Hauling ass took on a whole new meaning. 

Hauling Ass

One of my biggest pre race fears was if I was lucky enough to get in sight of the finish line my ass would stop. I've seen it many times and sadly it happened to my friend Paige. I knew that Jacob would chase as long as he had something to chase. Therefore, when we got onto Harrison I had him walk for a bit for the big boys to get a gap on him. We then started running and he had his sights on the target and kept it up right across the line. I was so proud of him. He placed 7th out of 24 in the women's race. BUT mostly importantly, he was the first mini burro. Those little legs could move. 

Finishing stretch

Jacob must have taken in some of what I said. He closed perfectly! I'd like to say it was my skills but I just got lucky and got a burro who worked well with me on that day. Would I have liked it if he was willing to pass and run on his own, sure but he wasn't so we did it his way. It was the most fun I've ever had in a race and he was the cutest ass I've ever had the pleasure to run with. 

Burro Race finishers, first mini ass across the line and in the prize money!!!

At the finish line you'd have thought Jacob won the race by the crowds that surrounded us. Seems that everyone has a soft spot for a little jackass:) I was just happy I got my ass across the line. 

Just Another Day in the Office

I can now breathe easily while stationary so it was time to get back to work. I have heard lots of reasons why the training in Leadville isn't good yet. Maybe most of the courses are still covered in snow but there are plenty of options available and where there's a will there's a way. I am not here to vacation and spend my days sitting around a coffee shop whining about trail conditions. I am here to do work. Yesterday, I put on my work clothes and headed to the office for the day. Here is my day in pictures.

Time to punch in and get at it.

Trail looks pretty clear to me

I started out at the lakes

Made it up to 11,700ft from 9.400

Pretty Awesome day, looking forward to more days in this office. I could become a workaholic if I'm not careful:

My Monster

A monster has taken up residence in my life. He can show up anytime, anywhere. He is big, hairy and scary. He likes to taunt me and put doubts in my head. The only way I know to silence him is to run and bike.He mostly has me running though.

When did I first see this monster? The first glimpse of him was a shadow in the woods in 2009 outside a little mountain town in Colorado. He crossed my path again a few times in 2010 when I returned to the same town. Maybe it was just the hypoxia from the lack of oxygen in the air at that altitude but I promised him that we would become good friends. We would share many hours together and I would tame him... one day. We have been silently courting each other since the end of July. As of this morning the time has arrived to make our relationship public. As of tonight he will take up residence under my bed, in my closet and in my head. His name is Leadman and today begins my journey in domesticating him.

Right now, I am trying to keep him caged while I develop the skills to take him on. So far the cage isn't working very well, I might need a muzzle too and a stun gun. He already gloated at me when I had to fill out the part of the form that asked how far is the furthest I have ever run. Ha- you think you can run 100 miles in under 30 hours and you have only run 50km before. At first he had me almost crying but then I silenced him by saying when I signed up to ride 100 miles on my mountain bike I had never ridden over 50km on it and now I've run that same course- twice. Zing, he was quiet for all of  2 seconds. Then he reminded me that I had actually ridden a bike further than that though. That didn't leave me crumpled enough, he bared his teeth and pointed out that I am still going to have to ride my bike 100 miles in the dirt one week before I run 100 miles. Oh and throw in that little 10km the day after the 100 mile bike. But I won't even be able to go into those battles if I first don't complete the trail marathon and 50 mile mountain bike ride within the time cut offs. Yes, this monster comes with an army of scary friends.

The best way to defeat an enemy is to know them well. So, I am going to cuddle up to my monster, spend hours and hours with him and maybe just maybe come June 29th when I line up to begin the first battle of the war my monster will have become my ally.

 

A unicorn doesn't care if you believe in it anymore than you care if a unicorn believes in you.


Colorado Rocky Mountain High

It is August and the mountains are calling to me. The last two summers I spent amazing weeks in Colorado camping in the mountains. Oh and last year I threw in a 'little' mountain bike race while I was there. This year, there are no trips to the mountains planned for me. I am feeling a little sad about this as I hear from friends that are enjoying the mountain towns and all that they have to offer. I am living vicariously through their pictures and events. I am also watching a race unfold via SPOT tracking on the Colorado trail. The things that I love most about being in the mountains in the summer are:
Afternoon rain and thunder showers. The clouds move in quickly, dump some rain, give a light show and then disappear over the next range. The sun comes back out and shines down on a clean crisp world with rain drops glistening on the trees. The air is so clean and smells so good. I loved afternoon rain showers, the were also great times to take a nap. It was even fun to get caught out in them on the bike, as long as you aren't above tree line!

The clear night sky and all the stars. Love sitting out under the stars and watching the night sky, especially if there aren't any mosquitoes. Mosquitoes can ruin sitting out under the stars instantly, luckily during my time there weren't any of these pesky creatures around.

Waking up in the morning to cool mountain air that requires my down jacket to be in shorts and t-shirt 2-3 hours later. Who doesn't sleep better when it cools off at night and warms up during the day?

Early morning walks in the forest with my dog. We had some great morning walks where we were able to corner lots of squirrels up trees. (Okay, maybe that was Tana's favorite part not mine).

The changing cloud formations and colors in the sky. The paintbrush of nature is far more magnificent than any of the great artists.

From downtown Leadville

The solitude. Just a girl and her dog camping in the wilderness. Nothing recharges the battery more than time alone in nature. I am sure those folks riding the Colorado trail right now are feeling super recharged:)

In an attempt to ease my melancholy with this blog post, I may have just exacerbated the symptoms. I think the only cure is an infusion of Rocky mountain air!

Crested Butte area

'now he walks in quiet solitude the forest and the streams, Seeking grace in every step he takes, His sight has turned inside himself to try and understand, The serenity of a clear mountain lake, It's the Colorado rocky mountain high' - John Denver

Celebration Time

Yesterday was the last day in a big two week block of training for me. Note, I said for me! Pretty sure that it would be considered an easy week to the big boys of cycling. I still felt the need to celebrate. Hey, anything to get me through. It seems that the whole nation wanted to celebrate with me. There were parties everywhere. I am not quite narcissistic enough to think that everyone was observing the beginning of my recovery week, but it was great that I was surrounded by festive people. The entire nation was coming together and celebrating independence with parades, barbeque's, picnics and firework displays.

As my legs turned over the last few miles and I saw all the revelling beach goers I realized, riding a bike has always been a symbol of independence for me. Once I was able to ride a bike, I had a sense of freedom. I could get places on my own power and enjoy the autonomy that afforded. After all these years, it seems fitting to celebrate the ability to ride a bike as far and as often as I want. I don't think that the firework displays all over the country were too much for my sense of accomplishment!

Fireworks in Waikiki

'There's a party goin' on right here, A celebration to last throughout the years, So bring your good times, and your laughter too, We gonna celebrate your party with you!'. Imagine dear readers, if the end of two big bike mileage weeks calls for fireworks, what the party at the Leadville finish line will be like!

Broken Record

Now that I am riding the trainer several times a week to do my fancy altitude training, I am also using my ipod often. It hasn't been used much since my marathon in February and sadly I have not made any new play lists. I need to do that. It is essential to my training that I create a few new trainer play lists. I am finding that the songs I have are mocking me during my workouts. Let me provide you with some examples of what I am dealing with.

1) The Tragically Hip keep asking me 'are you ready, are you ready, are you ready..?'. Quit taunting me, you know the answer is a resounding NO! If I were ready I wouldn't need to be on the trainer with this mask strapped to my face, come on boys, use some common sense!

2) Freddie Mercury making comments about the size of my butt. 'fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round, Get on your bikes and ride'. Dude, what the heck do you think I am doing! and no I'm not gonna take you home tonight, you just told me I had a fat ass. Plus, not too sure you liked the ladies;)

3) White Snake seems a little sympathetic to my cause. At least they tell me 'Cos I know what it means, to walk the lonely street of dreams,  An' here I go again on my own, Like a drifter I was born to ride alone'. Just the fact that they keep saying, here I go again makes me think that they like to rub it in that I am once again going into oxygen deprivation.

4) Bono likes to remind me 'its a beautiful day, don't let it get away'. Hey Bono, I can see that through my window, I'll get out there as soon as this suffer fest is over.

5) Amy Winehouse tells me 'yes, I've been black but when I come back you'll know, know, know'. Is she referring to bruises on her hips from falling off her bike? Makes me think of my bruises and how at least I haven't fallen off the trainer, YET!

6) Janis Joplin actually gives me a bit of a pep talk. 'and each time I tell myself that I, well I think I've had enough, but I'm gonna show you , baby, that a woman can be tough. I want you to come on, come on, come on and take it, Take another piece of my heart now baby'. This is the point where the pep talk ends and I notice how fast my heart is beating and begin to wonder if I am missing a piece.

7) Pink shows me no respect by asking me 'So What?' when I am proud of accomplishing yet another high altitude session. I think what she is trying to say is, you have many more to go and it is nothing to celebrate until you complete the real altitude session on August 14th. Come on girlfriend, let a sista revel in the small victories!

8) Meatloaf doesn't seem to think the burn I am feeling in my legs is intense enough and knows how to remedy this 'and I wanna take you out of the frying pan, And into the fire. Out of the frying pan and into the fire'. Okay, message received load and clear, work harder, burn harder, I got it, I got it!

9) Sheryl Crow sympathizes with the cuts and abrasions on my legs from my off road adventures. She assures me that 'the first cut is the deepest, baby I know, the first cut is the deepest'. Wonder if she knows how long they should take to heal?

10) Nickelback brings my attention to the difficulty (slight understatement) I am having breathing by wondering 'would somebody help me breathe, would somebody help me breathe?'. Get over it, no one is going to help you breathe, suck in, blow out!

11) Flo Rida knows that by the end of my workout 'you spin my head right round, right round, When you go down, when you go down, down, You spin my head right round, right round'. Yup my head is spinning round alright, and that race I'm doing all this training for is 'going down, down'!

Even though these songs are razzing me during my workouts, they are providing a warped sense of motivation. I have heard these play lists so many times that they have become like a broken record that just keeps replaying over and over and over and over. I need new songs to taunt me while I experience the simulated rocky mountain high. Readers, send me your favorite songs and I will make a special Leadville play list. Please, you can see 'it finally happened, I'm going slightly mad'.

The Todd

Sadly, I am no longer training for a triathlon. This makes me sad on so many levels but mostly it freaks me out. Leadville is now so much more real and I can't just shove it to the back of the mind closet. Up until now, it has been after the marathon, after the half ironman, now there is nothing but LEADVILLE looming on the horizon. Now dear readers, you can see why I have been basking in the Caribbean glory for as long as I can. I know how to be a triathlete. I know how to train and prepare for a triathlon. I have no friggin' idea what I am doing now. I am entering unchartered waters so to speak.

Familiar waters, St Croix poolside taper

On the odd chance that it may have slipped my mind how far over my head I am in tackling Leadville, I can rely on 'the Todd' for constant reassurance. We are not talking about the soothing, cooing kind of reassurance. Not from 'the Todd'. Instead, immediately after my successful finish in St Croix, and my slaying of the beast, he sends me a message telling me I have more work to do than I can even fathom. He then proceeds to inform me he has already ridden the White Rim 100 mile trail in Utah this year. Solo. In one day. (probably with 50 extra pounds strapped to the frame of his bike). He plans to do it again. He also never fails to mention the hideous amount of elevation gain he does on his training rides. The real kicker is he likes to remind me that the race starts at 10,000ft above sea level and he lives around 7,000ft. I live at sea level. Oh, and he sleeps in an altitude simulation tent up to 12,000ft for two months leading into the race! Now, 'the Todd' does know what he is talking about, he has started the Leadville race many, many times. He hasn't always finished, but since only 65% of the field finish on any given year I guess the odds are if you start that many times, you won't always finish. He got a stomach bug last year and he didn't finish, not sure what happened the other times. He also has two bummed knees, so bummed he really doesn't have knees. Last I checked I had two working knees, I'm just saying!

The Todd and Jen Oak Creek Sedona, Nov 2009

I am sure that the Todd will be riding the latest and greatest equipment at Leadville. He will have a new bike that weighs less than a water bottle- an empty one! He will have some super slick fancy set of race wheels with tires that roll by themselves. He will have everything dialed in. I will get my bike tuned up, and I will put on a fresh set of tires. I will even put in new sealant, although to be fair the sealant that I put in September 2007 has been holding up quite well! (I just felt Haywood roll his eyes- you could have fixed it for me Haywood, I would have made you nanaimo bars;) ).  Pretty sure there is a book called 'its not about the bike' or something to that effect, so I will take two working knees over a tricked out bike. Yup, the Todd this is your official calling out. Might be time for you to go to the Robinson's and do some reading of children's stories. I'll be coming out of my shell on August 14th!!