Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Walkin' the Plank

Ahoy, race day be upon me and me's as ready as me's gonna be. Me gots me Furner* (a ship which be yer own, not one ye steal and plunder)  ready and me first matey on board.

Me First Matey strapped to the Bow

It be time to jump into the seas and get o'er to the island. Me came upon a landlubber lass frightened to take the plunge off the dock so on a count of three we plummeted into the churnin' deep dark waters (okay, it was calm and crystal clear, but what kind of story does that make??) and made our way to the beach of Hotel on the Cay. While doing me warm up swim out there me came upon a few Sprogs* (rawn untrained recruits), doing their first ever race. The fact that they were wearing wetsuits gave them away. The water was a balmy 80 something degrees and super salty, floatation was not an issue. Me hope they are not currently lost at sea!

The cannon blew, (or maybe a guy just said go) for my wave, me be off and the swashbucklin'* (fightin' and carousin' on the high seas) began. Actually, unlike other races, me had a good clean start to the swim and was in the front pack of four. Lovin' the non wetsuit swim! Me managed to stay there until the turn when me got left for fish bait in Davey Jones locker* (the bottom o' the sea where the souls of dead men lie) as the others manuevered around the bodies floating (maybe they were swimming) from previous battles.

Swim exit, there was a ramp on race day

Swim done, 4th out of water, thanks to me amazing masters coach me finally fly the Jolly Roger* (pirates flag, an invitation to surrender)! Grabbed me Furner to Go on Account* (embark on a piratical cruise). Me smartly*(quickly) got into a pedalling rhythm. We's be ridin' portside* (left side) and me took no time to be old salt* (experienced sea man).  Shiver me timbers but them hills started and they ne'er stopped! On the pass through town me sail ho*(me see a bike) and the chase was on. 'bout 20 miles in, just before the legend of the beast, a squadron* (group of ten or less warships) of wenches blew by me. Me's not saying they's was bilge sucking*(does that really need an explanation??) but me sure that the beast took care of that. I prepared meself for a proper flogging*(punishment by caning) on the Beast by sucking down me grog*(pirates favorite drink, me special infinit formula).

Me Hearty* got this picture of the lead women (see the 27%, if that ain't a Cat O Nines Tail!*)

Gangway* (get out o me way!!)

Me hearty stationed heself early in the morn atop the crows nest*(lookout with a view) of the beast. Him and the other hands got to yo ho ho*(pirate laugh) ats many mates who were marooned on the beast. (really, they were very supportive!)

No Quarter* (surrender will not be accepted)

Aft the beast was laid to rest there were many lads and lassies on the sidelines wishing us fair winds*(good luck)  and slappin' high fives. Me couldn't resist slappin' a few. The locals favorite cheer was "push, push'. Felt appropriate, cause at times, it felt like serious labor! One point, we come around a corner and sink me, another 17% grade hill. Thee lily livered lad* (faint o heart) side me, cried avast* (stop that). I told him to belay* (shut up) and to board the jollyboat* (small, happy craft, often a dinghy). Me got thar, 9th off bike and it was time to abandon me Furner and see if me had me land legs.

View of the Briny Deep from the bike course

Immediately onto the run course, me thinkin' me addled* (mad, insane, or just stupid). We's be running 'round thee Buccaneer golf resort. Thee sutlers* (merchant in port) were pedalling all kinds of grub and grog and all stations were ship shape* (well organized and under control).  Me was splicin' the mainbrace* (having drinks) at every opportunity. A group of hands* (crew of sailors) were playin' us shanteys* (sailor work songs) while me danced with Jack Ketch* (the hangman) 'bout mile 8! Me black spotted* (placin' the black spot be markin' em for death) a few wenches in front o' me and the lights*(lungs) were a burnin' as me reeled them in. Many o' these mateys were runnin' like they's was loaded to the gunwales*(drunk). Some point me got a stowaway, some son of a bisquit eater* (bastard pirate) decided to sit on me shoulder and let me do the pacemaking. Me at me ropes end*(another term for flogging) and that blaggard* (insult) keelhauled* me (punishment by draggin' under the ship, from one side to 'nother, victim ends up half drowned, or worse, and lacerated from the barnacles beneath the ship) the last mile!

Me and me Poxied Swab*(diseased pirate)

Me suppose he didn't want this wench to make him kiss the gunners daughter*(to be bent over one of the ships guns and flogged), but me did. Me started 20 minutes arear of this 32 year old lad! Me tried to weigh anchor* (haul up anchor and go) in the last 3/4 mile.

Making Full Sail

Ye's can see with yer own deadlights* (eyes) here, me hanging on to me ropes end on yet anothe' hill! Well, blimey if me didn't fall overboard, mutiny me cry! 7th after run.

Me Pillage (raid, rob and sack a target) of the course complete

Me's in Fiddlers Green* (Pirate heaven)

Booty* (treasure earned) earned in Pillage

1 comment:

  1. the booty was worth climbing the beast! amazing!! congrats. loving the race photos! and envious of the restaurant you found! YUM!