Monday, April 5, 2010

Lies and Falsities

I've been racing (I use the term racing rather loosely) for quite a long time now. Long enough that I think I have heard the whole gamut of lies and falsities that spectators spread. I know that they are trying to be encouraging and helpful but really, who do they think they are kidding? As they say, I was born at night, but not last night.

The most popular lie is 'looking good'. As FDR said 'repetition does not transform a lie into truth'. but they sure do try. This little white lie is said all day long. Do they not think I will get the post race pictures? If I don't already know how hideous my appearance is, the pictures will enlighten me. I would have to be pretty much unconscious to believe that I look good. After all, I have been sweating profusely with salt caked on me, snotted on myself, conceivably peed myself, and spilled various beverages down the front of me for hours. Not to mention the matted mess that my hair has become and the fact that my morning lipstick has surely worn off.  Pretty sure I have never seen a model on the cover of Vogue looking that good!

If said spectator tires of the go to line of looking good, they pursue the 'almost there' lie. This particular dandy can be used at any point in a race. I have heard this line when I am merely halfway through the bike of an ironman. The spectator guide must have forgotten to mention that there is a measly marathon tacked on to the end of this event! To the guy in the lawn chair on the side of the road with a cooler of beer, it may seem like the racers are almost there when they have ONLY 6 more miles to run of 26. I am here to tell you that those first 20 are the easy miles and the last 6 make the rest of the day seem like couch surfing. There is no way we are almost there, we are just entering the deep, dark nasty place. 

Stationed on a hill provides a whole new playlist. 'The top is just up there', 'the steep part is over' and my all time favorite 'this is the last hill'. The last hill, I am on my first of two loops! Nothing looks hard and steep and long when you are watching.

An honest spectator would tell me I look like crap, am moving slow, am at the bottom of the hill, and have a long ass way to go. Now that I say that, I am not sure that would be any better. For now I will stick to the fantasies that I look good, am almost there and am at the top of the last hill. So dear spectators of mine 'tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'!

I totally rode my bike up this hill, I just bunny hopped the gate;)


  1. I HATE the "almost there"! I have had it at the 10k mark of a half marathon, as well as the 3/4 point of a mountain bike marathon (that nearly killed me I might add) when all the hard climbs were still to come!

    I prefer "keep it up" or "you can do it"... or the best was "cute outfit" one time!

  2. That's a nice hill - I wish I could've seen the bunny hop!

  3. I especially like it when someone passing me tells me I am doing great - um you just passed me, so probably not that GREAT! It is all about the outfit Supercrew A!!

  4. Laughing out loud at this post especially since I just received the link for the CA 70.3 photos. Hideous I tell ya! I don't even know why I look at the pictures as there will never be a good one:) If you haven't seen the movie The Invention of Lying it is a good one and ties into what you are saying, the little sweet lies are sweeter than the truth:)