Stretch Pants

This is a public service announcement. Ladies, stretch pants are not our friend! Just because it will stretch over your butt, doesn't mean it should stretch over your butt. If you stretch stretchy material to the maximum stretchiness, it is not a good look. I'm telling you all this because I too have made my mistakes with the expandable pants. Heck, I practically lived in sweats in my freshman year, if only I had stuck to squeezing into those acid wash jeans everyday I might have had a chance at avoiding that sprawl I developed on the backside. Not that I am saying acid wash jeans are our friend, cause I am not, but at least they would have provided instant feedback on the damage midnight pizza and vats of beer were causing.

The urgent need for this PSA came to my attention last week. You see, around here many people do a lot of yoga and therefore are in their yoga pants, but some just wear yoga pants and never see a yoga mat. The other day I saw with my own eyes (and the image is burned into my cornea) a woman who was testing the maximum stretchiness of her yoga pants fabric. Now, giving her the benefit of doubt, she might have come from a yoga class. I find that unlikely though because she could barely bend to get something from her shopping cart, and yogis are flexible. The other case scenario was she was hired by some scientific research company to do some testing on force against elasticity to determine the breaking point. Well, judging by the pulling on the seams and the way the fabric pulled across her derriere, the breaking point was one pass of gas away! I thought about taking a picture to share with my readers so that your cornea could also be damaged, but I thought that would be bordering on rude. However, writing about the subject is perfectly polite;) Perhaps, all forms of pants with stretchiness to them should come with a warning label. Something to the effect of,

 "WARNING, wearing of these pants should be undertaken with caution. If you choose to wear these pants daily your ass will spread. As an antidote to this please wear your skinny jeans one day per week."