Thursday, June 20, 2013

Squat Messenger

I have been doing a fair bit of my training alone on the trails. I have maps, I tell someone where I am going and when I will be done. Still, people worried about me. The Todd being on the injured reserve list felt that I would benefit from use of his Spot Messenger in case I need to be rescued. Little does he know (well, he'll know now) I have a built in system to bring someone onto the trail with me. I have been having trouble getting the Spot to send messages when I want it to, but my Squat system works perfectly every time.

Squat system you say, how do I get myself one? Well, they don't have it at REI! Let me give you an example of how it works. I am riding along the trail. Haven't seen a soul all day. I have the increasing urge to pee. I stop the bike. Hang my pack and clothes off the bike that is leaned up on a tree. I usually ride in bib shorts so this means taking off my jersey and my outer layers. I then proceed off the trail into the bushes. Sure enough, I pull down the shorts and am mid stream when someone appears. The first time my Squat tracker worked I heard a truck approaching. I hadn't seen anyone in hours and now a truck is coming up the dirt road. Of course, I can't stop now, I've been holding it too long already. The truck slows when it sees my trail side garage sale going on. The driver looks over to me and it is none less than the founder of the Leadville Races Ken Chlouber. I give a casual wave from my squat position and he moves on. 

This is not a one time phenomenon, it has happened repeatedly. I'll check to make sure there is no one in sight. Haven't seen anyone in ages. Seems safe to go, so I proceed to commence the routine. Sure enough, I met my new friend and fellow Leadman Andy( )right after I pulled up my shorts. He came running around the corner. Yesterday, I was out on a long run. Hadn't seen a soul on the trail all day. Had to pee, thought to myself just before I did the deed, 'well the lonely streak is about to end'. Was walking along the trail pulling up my shorts, rearranging my drawstring and once again the Squat messenger worked perfectly, a husband and wife came around the corner. They might have wondered why I was giggling. I know that even though I can't always get the Spot messenger to work the old fashioned technology of the Squat messenger is fool proof:)


  1. Heh. Perhaps too much information, but I remember one of my female friends-- who has run the 100 a half a dozen times-- saying that learning to pee while standing up was an invaluable skill for women ultrarunners. After about mile 70 it gets a little hard to squat! :)

  2. Dang, I should have had performed a Squat messenger yesterday, maybe I wouldn't have been so freaked out there alone - lost. I saw tons of shot gun shells, so I knew at least if I got permanently lost, someone, with a gun, would be around sooner or later. :)

  3. Good news! If you and are together and need help we will either be found by your squat messenger or my Matt magnet!