Saturday, July 30, 2011

Hands Free

I need to clarify a few things because it seems people are a  little confused. I see it everyday and I have decided to define a few things, not that anyone reading this needs to have these things explained to them, but I need to start somewhere.
Foremost, it seems that the term 'hands free' has many people bewildered. There are times when it is good to take things literally and this is one of those times. Hands free phone means that you  are not using your hands. In case this isn't crystal clear here are a few examples of what it doesn't mean. Ears free, yes, I have seen you, you are talking on your phone, holding it your hand but not using your ears. Do I need to show the difference between an ear and a hand?

This is an ear, it can be used for listening

These are hands, many uses, like holding things. The opposing thumbs are quite convenient

Also, hands free phone use does not mean hands free driving. Driving down the freeway holding your phone in your hand and your coffee in the other hand and no hands on the wheel. That is not what the law means.

 While I am on the subject of phones, no texting while driving. I am surprised that people even need to be told these things. I mean did you ever see someone driving down the road with a typewriter or keyboard on their steering wheel. Do you need to be told not to read a book while driving (I guess some people do)? No texting means no texting, not just in this case. Or OMG, I just have to tell my friend this it's an emergency. If you aren't careful you will have a REAL emergency on your hands. Pay attention to what you are doing, you are operating heavy machinery and you should focus on the job at hand. I'm pretty sure that whatever you are texting about can wait - sorry, you are not that important!

I have also noticed that another part of our language that lots of people, mostly overweight men with big bellies have trouble interpreting is the word under. It is called Under Armour people, not over armour. That means that it goes under, or below, under lower than something,  preferably a loose fitting shirt PLEASE! Underwear is also meant to be worn under something, not as an outfit - Lady Gaga excluded of course cause she can do whatever she wants, until she is a fat middle aged man and then I will also implore her to wear her under garments under something!

What is it about STOP that puzzles you? That sign does not mean look both ways and roll through. It doesn't mean, stop only if you have to because someone is coming. It means to put an end to movement. There are signs for roll through, those are yellow and called Yield.

Finally, when there are signs that say NO.... That is not open to interpretation. They really mean, no dogs, or no drinking, or no talking on cell phones, or no trespassing. They don't mean, except for you because the world revolves around you, and you are so important that nothing pertains to you. Yes, the world does revolve but last I heard it revolved around this thing called the sun. I am sure you are very hot, but you are not the sun!

I am sure you my readers have many more things that you feel need clarifying, let me know, I'll see what I can do. Until then, I will be working on my hands free riding, cause one day I may win a race and it seems that it is a requirement for the finishing photo!

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